Hi Reader,

​

I've been battling PTSD for over 20 years. A Harley Street Doctor once told me that I was 100% disabled for the rest of my life. However, I refused to accept my fate and have recovered to a level I never thought possible.

I'm not special in this regard. Many other people recover from appalling trauma and abuse. Every day I tell my story online because if I can do it, so can you.

This week's theme is trauma and recovery.

​

Top Picks of the Week.

1. Finding Light in the Darkness: How Morning Clouds and Small Wonders Help Me Combat PTSD​

Matt writes about his journey dealing with PTSD. He finds solace and healing through simple, everyday experiences like observing morning clouds and appreciating small wonders around him. These moments of mindfulness help him combat the darkness of PTSD, offering him a sense of peace and a reminder that beauty and hope can be found even in difficult times​.

​

2. The First Time I Stood Up To My Father​

The author recounts a pivotal moment in their childhood when they confronted their father for the first time. This act of defiance marked a significant step in their personal growth and was a response to a history of controlling and often harsh behavior from their father. The narrative explores the complex emotions involved in standing up to a parent and the lasting impact it has on one’s sense of self and autonomy. This courageous act symbolized a broader struggle for independence and self-respect, illustrating the importance of confronting difficult family dynamics to foster personal development and emotional healing.

​

3. Here’s the Thing About Suicidal Ideations​

The author reflects on their longstanding relationship with suicidal thoughts, describing them as a constant, albeit unwanted, presence. They recount a poignant memory from their teenage years at Kings Dominion, where the allure of jumping from a high place symbolized a fleeting desire for freedom despite the fatal consequences. Throughout their journey, including a stint in trauma rehab, these ideations provided a paradoxical sense of control over life's uncontrollable circumstances. The author discusses the fine line between thoughts and actions, sharing a specific incident where feelings of betrayal and despair led to a plan to drink lethal amounts of water, though it ultimately failed. They express a complex mix of relief and regret for still being alive, acknowledging that while these thoughts persist as a coping mechanism, they may also hinder their progress in trauma recovery. The narrative highlights the ongoing struggle with mental health and the delicate balance between seeking control and finding healing.

​

From Our Archive.

1. How to Recognize the Early Symptoms of PTSD​

I didn't know what was happening to me when I started reliving the same horrific nightmare repeatedly. I felt like I was losing my mind, but it was the early signs of PTSD. As a police officer, a traumatic incident involving two girls who had jumped from a tower block left a deep scar. My flashbacks were vivid and uncontrollable, and emotions like rage and guilt consumed me. Avoidance became my prison. The key to my recovery was gradual exposure, confronting my fears and talking about my trauma, which helped me regain control over my life​.

​

2. Avoiding Pain Trapped Me in a Prison of My Own Creation​

I found myself on the Amalfi Coast, a beautiful place that should have brought joy, but I was overwhelmed with the worst of my PTSD. Avoidance had taken over my life, and I had shrunk my world to a point where I felt safe only in my bed. This avoidance started with logical steps, like avoiding the town where I witnessed traumatic events as a police officer. However, it quickly spiraled into avoiding crowds, friends, the gym, and even travel. My attempts to dodge the pain only trapped me further in a prison of my own creation.

The turning point came when I decided to confront my fears through controlled exposure. I revisited the scenes that haunted me, starting with the site of a double suicide that triggered much of my PTSD. This act, though terrifying, revealed that the places themselves were not inherently dangerous. Gradually, I expanded my comfort zone, revisiting avoided places and re-engaging with the world. Controlled exposure under professional guidance is crucial, but for me, it was a necessary solo journey to regain my life.

Thanks for reading. If you benefit from this newsletter, please share it with a friend,

Best,

Leon

Follow me on X here​

​